I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
