i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
