3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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