he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
