he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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