Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
