I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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