I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
