they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
