He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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