I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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