Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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