Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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