it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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