If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
