First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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