If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
