i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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