We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
