You just made me feel so damn special
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
