He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
