I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
