I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
