The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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