I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
