So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
