did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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