i don't like sucking hair
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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