It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
