so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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