I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
