Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
