I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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