I wanna passion pit in your ass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
