So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
