hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
