Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
