Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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