Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
