I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
