We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
