So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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