What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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