I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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