He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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