My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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