then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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