Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
