He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
