Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
