i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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